I swear, every time I click on a Yelp link on Google “just to check to see if they take reservations” I get sucked into a never-ending wormhole of increasing hatred of everyone else who lives in my neighborhood. My favorite ever was some chick who wrote multiple reviews of increasingly hysteric complaint about a take-out that refused to add pork to her order on multiple occasions. The name of the take-out is literally No Pork Halal Chinese Kitchen, a name which a friend of mine who crashed at my place once, three years ago, still laughs about to this day. No Pork Halal Kitchen! It is the name of the restaurant basically - “We do not serve pig pieces.” The kicker is there is another Chinese take-out directly across the street, which upon ordering from I have found little bits of pork in my vegetarian entrees*, so honestly, porky, walk across 4th Avenue for christ’s sake.

* I am not a vegetarian, so no big deal to me, but it is a rare day I decide to mess with meat in Chinese $4 take-out. Nooo thank you, sirs.